I had my moments where I lost it completely. The first and, so far, the strongest was went I got home after hearing the news. I am so thankful that Peg just happened to be staying with me and that she was there. If she hadn't, I would have been alone with no one to help me. She is my sister, one of my best friends. I love her so much.
My Tony came home not too much later.... a true testament to having such a amazing man in my life is the one who knew that all the emotions of having lost his mother years ago would come flooding back, but kept that at bay for my sake. I'm not a selfish person, but I needed, and still need his strength and he's given it to me with so much love. He saw the worst breakdown he's ever seen from me and held on and helped.
My family hasn't been the most functional in its history. We have our disagreements, we have our pasts with each other. But this made us realize we have to put these things behind us. We are each who we are and we have differences, but we are still family. Stop the bickering and just accept the differences. Celebrate them in fact... it's what Mom wanted all along.
I'm rambling. (I'm aloud to do this, it is the name for this page after all. :) The editor in me will whittle this down, correct it and make it more suitable for publication.
The headline of this entry says "So this is what it feels like..." What I meant by that is that I know many friends, acquaintances, and family members who have lost a parent. I always told them that I was so sorry to hear of their loss and that I can only imagine how they feel. Well now, I don't have to imagine, I know how it feels. And yes, it sucks.